Post Mother's day thoughts.

Killian is a year and a half old already! Everyone said it would happen fast, but I figured they were all just saying it because that's what you say. Sort of like when someone sneezes, you say "bless you" or some other variation. When someone has a baby you say "they grow fast, enjoy it while they're little." But I truly can't believe how big he's gotten and how much he can do already. He's trying to say words (apple is  "ahhh pooh") and he pulls down his pants without help. He pets the cat gently and pokes dogs in the nose. He even plays by himself for more than 10 seconds at a time!

It's been such an interesting journey thus far. Yet I'm constantly thinking about when he grows up. All we see on tv and movies are families with older kids. From time to time there are babies present, but the focus is never on them, it's on the older kids. Themes range from sibling rivalry to sharing to brotherly/sisterly love. But us new mommies aren't given much of an example to follow with our new families. We have to just play it by ear until they're about school age.

I remember watching "Home Improvement" as a child. Three brothers growing up together with a great mom and a funny dad. Since marrying my husband, I've thought of this show often and related to the parents. Yet I still can't fully relate because they never showed anything from when their family was starting out. So I am often fantasizing over what it'll be like when Killian is older and has siblings. I'm always thinking about his siblings, yet he doesn't even have any! We're not sure we even want to have more children at this point in our lives. Things seem difficult enough with just one. And expensive, too. I can't imagine another baby to buy diapers  and food and clothing for. Nor can I imagine how I would spend quality time with both babies and keep the house clean and make dinner. How did all the mommies on tv do it?


Yes, I know they didn't really do it. It's tv. Nothing is real on tv. No matter how much we try to relate to the characters, we will never fully relate to them because they aren't real. Reality is a messy house, simple dinners, and a very tight budget.

Then I get to thinking about all the real moms with multiple children. Yes, I desperately want Killian to have siblings. I want him to have people in his life that he can truly relate to and talk to and play with. I want him to have those permanent best friends for life (not the high school version that run off after graduation, never to been seen or heard from again). So how do those real mom's take care of all of their children and the house and the pets and their husband? I still just can't imagine it.

As I said, we're not even sure we want to have more children. My birth story with Killian was one I am not happy with. I guess that's just how it goes though. You can plan all you want, but it's God's plan that happens in the end. It was so hard on me that I feel I may keep the memory close so that it stays fresh so that I don't get myself in that position again. And in doing so, I may never have another child for fear of a repeat situation. Then I think about adopting. I know a few wonderful people who have made an enormous difference in a few children's lives by giving them a nice home and taking care of them when, other wise, they would have grow up in an orphanage with little food and then thrown on the streets at age 16 with no life skills or street smarts, just to end up on drugs or eating out of trash cans.
So I think that it may be fantastic to adopt. But there's still that transitional period with an adopted child of any age. Like bringing home a brand new baby, you're up many times during the night to help them adjust to the new environment. You have to adjust to having a new child in the house to take care of when they're sick, find alternate foods for when they don't like somethings, buy new clothes for when they grow out of their old ones. You have to find more room in your already full heart for a child that isn't really yours. I know it's possible, I've seen it done before. But can I do it? Can Greg? Can Killian? And how will Killian and the non-biological sibling get along? Will there be resentment that Killian is biological? Or will the child be happy to have a good home and loving parents? Will Killian be jealous of the new child? So many thoughts in my head and I'm not even ready to make the decision yet. So why am I even thinking about all of this?
Oh yeah... too much tv!