A year already!!

I cannot even begin to explain my emotions right now. For the past 2 days I've been remembering last year. "A year ago right now I was going into labor," "A year ago right now I was in the tub with contractions," "A year ago right now the midwife was trying to convince me to get an epidural." It was a long 2 days followed by an even longer 3 months.

It's strange to believe that just one short year ago I was not yet a mother. I was still a young woman looking to the future of raising a family. It's been such a short year full so many mile stones and memories, some good, some bad, but mostly happy memories. I struggled with not being a child and having to grow into a parent. I fought it hard! I mourned it even harder. I cried a lot! I smiled even more. I've kissed and cuddled and baby-talked more than I even thought was possible. I can't believe how many memories can fill up a year. There are years of my life that I don't remember anything from at all. Yet I can remember at least one thing from each month of this past year.
November- a mini vacation at the hospital with my new baby
December- Killian's first Christmas
January- Christmas at the Foote home
February- celebrating Greg's birthday and making him a card with Killian's hand print
March- throwing a mini party for my mom's birthday and not knowing how to show her all of my love and appreciation for her
April- taking pictures of Killian in the flowers
May- Killian's 6 month pictures at the mall
June- spending time outside with Killian in just his diaper
July- fireworks in Hadley/Amherst
September- missing having Delaney to play with
October- picking apples/pumpkins
There are so many more memories! I can't believe how many memories can fill my mind from one year. It's surreal.
I honestly do miss my time at the hospital. It was like a vacation for me. I didn't have to worry about cooking, cleaning, laundry, or anything at all. I got up, took a shower, held Killian, ate breakfast, took a nap, etc, etc. The nurses and doctors and midwives and Greg did everything for me! It was fantastic. And on top of it all I had a gorgeous little baby as a souvenir!
But when I got home it couldn't have been more opposite! I cried every day from 4:00 to 6:00 (some days even more). I couldn't get the baby to eat from me, but I didn't want to give up breastfeeding, either. I couldn't drive, I couldn't sit comfortably, I couldn't even wear normal clothes due to my c-section. I was miserable! Greg had to go back to work and I was left at home trying to deal with so much all at once. But I did it! I made it through! Killian and I are happy and healthy and strong. It's amazing to me what I've overcome. And through it all, I made new friends, which is something I've always struggled with. And I have to thank my mom and dad and Greg for being there for me even when they didn't realize that they were. They were my inspiration to keep going. They were the one's I though of when I needed strength, and they were the ones I aspired to be like.

Now I sit here remembering everything so clearly. I'm amazed that I actually did make it. That I really do have a beautiful little boy sleeping soundly in the other room. I've come so far in such a short time (and gotten so fat, lol.... how the hell did that happen, anyway?). It's been an adventure. If I was able to get through this, there's so much more I can do. I can't wait to see what I'll be saying next year at this time!